Maybe we should have had a glass of wine or two along with it because, ultimately, it left me feeling underwhelmed.
I am going to lightly skim through the best and worst performances of the night. Mostly the worst, because that's so much more fun.
I am going to lightly skim through the best and worst performances of the night. Mostly the worst, because that's so much more fun.
The show opened with our favorite geriatric rock band (no, not the Rolling Stones), the one and only AC/DC. I guess the only upside here for me was the fact that they actually played instruments and offered a real, proper live show. Other than that, I was not impressed.
And then it was on to our favorite little dainty Tinkerbell diva, Ariana Grande, who proceeded to demonstrate exactly why she is such a bad bitch. With an impeccably controlled, velvety smooth BIG voice, she was one of the standouts of the evening. In a good way, that is. I now understand why she gets away with such arrogant, bad behavior. Honestly, I hate to say it but I think she is better than Mariah Carey ever was.
On a completely random note, I'd also like to mention that I appreciate the host, L.L. Cool J, not suggestively licking his lips every two seconds.
Kanye West performed on the Grammy stage for the first time in six years. I could have gone six more without him. He sang (if that's what you would call an auto-tuned voice) a song he wrote for his daughter while prancing about in the dark around a white, circular light beaming out from the floor. Awww! I suppose it was cute, but Kanye darling, you are no genius. Not. Even. Close.
It mostly seemed like what a six year old might throw together as soon as he could start singing melodies and rhyming words.
Now, before I get started on this next part, understand that I love Madonna more than words. I love her so much that seeing her deteriorate before our eyes is almost too painful to bear.
Put your goddamn clothes back on, woman! I don't care how great you think you look, I don't care how many miles of jogging you do every day and how fit you think you are. YOU ARE DAMN NEAR SIXTY YEARS-OLD. That outfit was truly horrendous, and what the hell was she supposed to be, anyway? Some horny old matador chick?
She is making a mockery of herself. One simple adjustment to this outfit would have changed everything. Pants, maybe? This needs to stop. I am being very serious. When the only reaction your audience feels is a cringe, it is time to step down.
Here is what she wore OFFSTAGE, if you can believe it. Is that a booty-boosting device or just some sort of perverted accessory? Either way, this invokes nothing but horror as far as I'm concerned.
I love you, Madonna, but please make it stop.
Another performance was by Annie Lennox, which I paid about as much attention to last night as I did back in the day - not much. I can take her or leave her. The Eurythmics never did anything for me. I will say that she can still sing her ass off, from what I heard in the background as I was making ginger root tea.
More Pharrell? Really? Didn't we get enough of that creepy "Happy" single already? I mean wasn't he EVERYWHERE last year? I can't believe we had to sit though yet another performance of that played-out song. My idea of hell would be sitting in Hell, listening to that song looping all day every day for the rest of eternity.
Who is this mental patient? I have a feeling that she has swung from a chandelier or two in her life. I'm sure that many people think she is avant-garde, but as far as I am concerned she is just batshit crazy. Love the song, though!
Gwen and Adam killed it. Madonna, observe Gwen and understand what it means to age gracefully and with class, all while still being drop-dead gorgeous.
And then it was on to our favorite little dainty Tinkerbell diva, Ariana Grande, who proceeded to demonstrate exactly why she is such a bad bitch. With an impeccably controlled, velvety smooth BIG voice, she was one of the standouts of the evening. In a good way, that is. I now understand why she gets away with such arrogant, bad behavior. Honestly, I hate to say it but I think she is better than Mariah Carey ever was.
On a completely random note, I'd also like to mention that I appreciate the host, L.L. Cool J, not suggestively licking his lips every two seconds.
Kanye West performed on the Grammy stage for the first time in six years. I could have gone six more without him. He sang (if that's what you would call an auto-tuned voice) a song he wrote for his daughter while prancing about in the dark around a white, circular light beaming out from the floor. Awww! I suppose it was cute, but Kanye darling, you are no genius. Not. Even. Close.
It mostly seemed like what a six year old might throw together as soon as he could start singing melodies and rhyming words.
Now, before I get started on this next part, understand that I love Madonna more than words. I love her so much that seeing her deteriorate before our eyes is almost too painful to bear.
Put your goddamn clothes back on, woman! I don't care how great you think you look, I don't care how many miles of jogging you do every day and how fit you think you are. YOU ARE DAMN NEAR SIXTY YEARS-OLD. That outfit was truly horrendous, and what the hell was she supposed to be, anyway? Some horny old matador chick?
She is making a mockery of herself. One simple adjustment to this outfit would have changed everything. Pants, maybe? This needs to stop. I am being very serious. When the only reaction your audience feels is a cringe, it is time to step down.
Here is what she wore OFFSTAGE, if you can believe it. Is that a booty-boosting device or just some sort of perverted accessory? Either way, this invokes nothing but horror as far as I'm concerned.
I love you, Madonna, but please make it stop.
Another performance was by Annie Lennox, which I paid about as much attention to last night as I did back in the day - not much. I can take her or leave her. The Eurythmics never did anything for me. I will say that she can still sing her ass off, from what I heard in the background as I was making ginger root tea.
More Pharrell? Really? Didn't we get enough of that creepy "Happy" single already? I mean wasn't he EVERYWHERE last year? I can't believe we had to sit though yet another performance of that played-out song. My idea of hell would be sitting in Hell, listening to that song looping all day every day for the rest of eternity.
Sia.
Who is this mental patient? I have a feeling that she has swung from a chandelier or two in her life. I'm sure that many people think she is avant-garde, but as far as I am concerned she is just batshit crazy. Love the song, though!
Gwen and Adam killed it. Madonna, observe Gwen and understand what it means to age gracefully and with class, all while still being drop-dead gorgeous.
Perfection.
And last but not least, her royal majesty, The Queen. Beyonce is so drunk in love with herself that she makes Kim Kardashian's narcissism pale in comparison. You are not the goddess you believe yourself to be, dahling.
No, really, you aren't.
And, get this - she thanked her "B-hive", which I can only guess is the hive where she rules as Queen.
Yes, that tickled me too.
Sam Smith was the overwhelming favorite of the evening and won four Grammys, for best pop vocal album, record of the year, song of the year, and best new artist.
My overall reaction to last night's Grammys was a resounding yawn.
No comments:
Post a Comment